Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A Dog's Rules For Christmas


1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

a. Don’t pee on the tree

b. Don’t drink water in the container that holds the tree

c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree

d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don’t rip them open

e. Don’t chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans

b. Don’t eat off the buffet table

c. Beg for goodies subtly

d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa

e. Don’t drink out of glasses that are left within your reach

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

a. Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people’s houses. (4a is particularly important)

b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house

c. Tolerate children

d. Turn on your charm big time

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night.
DON’T BITE HIM!!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Illiteracy!!!!

An illiterate woman boarded a plane from Enugu to Abuja in Nigeria . She was booked for an economy class seat. Just after the plane took-off, the woman stood up and went to sit in the first class cabin. The flight attendant went to ask her to go back and sit in economy class because that's where the ticket allowed her to sit but she refused. She had paid and wanted the best seat. Then the attendant informed the Jnr. pilot. The Jnr. pilot went and spoke with the lady and she still refused. Then the Jnr. pilot went to inform the chief pilot. The chief pilot said, I am married to an illiterate I'll go and talk to her. The chief went and whispered some words to the woman and she peacefully stood-up and went to her economy class seat.. The attendant and Jnr. pilot surprisingly asked, sir what did you tell her? The chief pilot said: "Easy guys, I just told her that first class is not going to Abuja, only economy class is"!!!