FOR THE MEN WHO LOVE THEIR WOMEN......

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?


6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.


KEEP READING


11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and
hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.


Are you thinking of someone?


16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.


One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.


21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected,
plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies
something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just
hug her
24. Make her feel loved.
25-kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!!!!*

KEEP READING!!

26-don't lie to HER.*
27-DON'T cheat on her.*
28-take her ANYWHERE she wants
29-txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at
work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need
you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.*


ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT


31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.*
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss
her).*
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will
automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin
up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If
shes upset, comfort her.


REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT


36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.*
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.*
38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can
listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while
you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.*
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible*


MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED



41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS*
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.*
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.*
45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to
her face and kiss her while sitting on her.

you'll never know when she needs just a lil more love

HUSBAND TECH ISSUES!!!!

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance,

particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

From Tech Support

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and

· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

If all else fails you can always consider installing New Boyfriend 6.9 and Toyboy 6.0.

Good Luck

Tech Support

Kikuyus Go to Heaven....

Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said 'I have to talk to you. We have
some Kikuyus up here and are causing problems. They're swinging on the
pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Savco jeans instead
of
their white robes, they're riding pick up trucks instead of the
chariots,
and they're selling their halos to people for discount prices.
Furthermore,
they refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep
crouching
down midway hawking their wings! They have sub-let their mansions and
are
now living in the SQs. They are even attempting talk "atiriri" over
here! I
found some attempting to fit a carrier on the chariot for carrying
"thaara
wa n'gombe " (napier grass) on their way from visits!

The Lord said, 'Kikuyus are Kikuyus. If you want to know about real
problems, call the devil.'



The Devil answered the phone, 'Hello? Hold on a minute.' The Devil
returned
to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'
Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're
having
down there.' The Devil said, 'Hold on again. I need to check on
something.'

After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, 'I'm
back... Now what was the question?' Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems
are you having down there?' The Devil said, 'Man I don't believe
this.......Hold on.'

This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes.. The Devil returned and said,
'I'm
sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now.. Those Kikuyus have put out the
fire
and are selling me a match box if I want to light on the fire again!

Why Men Are Just Happier People--

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too sicky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes!

New Invention - Drive through ATM

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."


MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


***********************************************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag , remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card and put all contents back.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
28. Put on Seat belt.
29. Drive away.