1 The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in
gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename
it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No
one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
2 Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
3 My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack
Bauer.
4 Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom
because
his organs are afraid of making him angry.
5 Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and
handcuffed
to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have
them
right where I want them."
7 Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to
make
Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
8 Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack
Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the
bomb was.
9 If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would
be called "12".
10 Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's master plan to rid
the world of Communism.
11 If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with
it.
12 Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one
fools Jack Bauer.
13 The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could
bring down the population.
14 Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer
killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
15 There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack
Bauer has appeared on television.
17 The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by
changing
the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack
Bauer.
21 When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it
back.
23 A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were
getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
25 Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
27 American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.
29 It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack
Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
31 Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
33 On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as
every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack
Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
35 Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct.
Don't ask how he did it, he's Jack Bauer.
36 Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law:
"Whatever
CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
38 Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital,
underwent
emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack
Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
40 In order to control illegal immigration in the United States ,
the
president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the
US/Mexico border.
42 There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way.
It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
46 When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies,
"Previously, on 24..."
47 Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a
Bauerwall.
It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever
attacked
Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
48 Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make
any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
49 Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
50 The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer.
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